It’s all in the thoughts

Sometimes I just don’t understand why things happen the way that they do.

I am so happy with everything in my life right now but for the past 2 months, my anxiety has been creeping back in. It is so frustrating because it’s come from nowhere and I should have known that good things come and go! I knew it would come back, but the question is, how can I get it under control again?

Last time the anxiety went away and came back, I didn’t notice until it was too late. This time, I slowly noticed that my thoughts had changed. For example, if I was feeling anxious I would think “oh I’m not feeling to good today. I need to go out. What if I go out and I still feel sick and I can’t leave”. Earlier on I could think  “get over it” but I’m not sure when it crossed the line.

A 2 months ago I decided to go back to the doctor to get a referral to see the psych again to nip it in the bud. As there was a 4 week wait to see her, I obviously got a little worse before I could see her. 2 weeks ago I saw her for the first time since she went on maternity leave a year ago. She was happy that I came proactively and I’m no where near as bad as I was in early 2015. 

She’s decided we need to work on my thoughts. Since I was little, I always think the worst of things. I was a good girl and I never really pushed the boundaries. I used to go for a walk and be on high alert all the time, was that slow car behind me going to stop and abduct me? I better not do something cause something bad might happen…. No evidence of the “bad” thing, just the assumption from things people have told me, from tv or my own thoughts spiraling. 

My anxiety at the moment is fueled by feeling off or sick and not myself. My first instinct is to leave the situation (flight) or to cry. Usually once I cry I feel better but it’s not exactly fun to burst out crying for what people think is for a random reason. Inside my heart is racing and I feel tense and when i can’t run away from the situation (which you shouldn’t do unless you are in actual danger) crying realeases that stress. Usually before the crying is my thoughts racing a million miles an hour. “What are people going to think if you start crying AGAIN? If you cry at work they will fire you then you won’t have a job then you will lose your house and you won’t have a place to live and you can’t get another job. If you can’t hold a job then you can’t eat then you will be alone on the street…. Etc” there is no evidence that any of these things will happen to me and my family and friends wouldn’t let this happen but anxiety is a bitch and these thoughts need to change!

Do you catastrophise everything? How do you change this?

I have been given a few note cards that I need to repeat to calm myself down. It’s a work in progress but I know I’m not the only one who thinks like this!

I’m so so happy at the moment and I will get there but it may take a while!

If you did/ do the same thing, please write in the comments with any ideas on how to change your thinking! Any help would be appriciated šŸ˜œ

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