*contains sadness- let’s be honest*
Just into the 9 month mark, at 37 weeks, our little man decided he was ready to come into the world!
On April fools day, just before it ticked over to the 2nd of April, Shadow, my dog was more clingy than she has been and was cuddling up to my stomach and would just not leave me alone! I was just about to turn the tv off to go to sleep and I felt like a quick and painless “pinch” down there. I thought it was a little weird, then because I was lying down, I thought I was starting to pee really slowly…so I stood up and waddled to the toilet leaving a small trail of liquid, then a big gush of clear water that just never stopped coming. I had a fear that will wouldn’t be home at the time because he works on the other side of the city most of the time, but as it was Saturday night, he had finished his work for the day.
I called out to Will and told him “babe, I’m pretty sure my waters just broke”! He ran to get my phone to call the midwife and she told us to come in to check the baby was ok. It was a weird and surreal feeling as there was no contractions! When we got to the hospital, they put me on the monitor and so we sat there for an hour to make sure he was ok. They then sent us home and said to think about the possibility of being induced on Monday, as if labour didn’t start in the next 48 hours, the baby and I are at risk for infection. (Funny thing, my mum’s waters broke and she had to be induced with me!)
I went back to the hospital at 1pm the next day (technically the same day lol) for another monitoring and was told that if he didn’t come overnight then they will book me in for an induction on Tuesday morning. I was to come back on Monday for another screen and she would book in the induction. Before we left, she showed us the birthing suite, now it all felt real. We left the hospital with a hug from the midwife, who was lovely, but was not the one I had seen since the beginning. I think this made me more nervous.
I couldn’t sleep all night!
At 7am on the morning of Tuesday the 4th of April, we walked into the hospital and was taken directly to the birthing suite. We were told to relax and put out things around the room and that will help us be more calm. I couldn’t believe we were going to meet our little man so soon. I was given a few needles and they put the bung in my arm prepairing to give me some medicine to induce labor,she called it jungle juice!
Everything was pretty boring from then on. Will was sitting on the couch playing with this phone I was just relaxing on the bed. It wasn’t till about 10 o’clock that I started feeling little movements in my uterus. She examined me and found that i was only one centimeter dilated. The medication she gave me needed to be turned up as labour wasn’t progressing fast enough so she gave me an internal exam and it hurt so much and this wasn’t even the later she knew straight away I was going to have a low pain threshold lol. She offered me an epidural and we waited for the anesthesiologist to arrive. At 12 o’clock he arrived and prepped me for the big needle, surprisingly I managed to stay still and it didn’t hurt one bit thank God! Epidurals really are a gift from God! it’s the best thing that I have ever done. My left side had a tiny bit of feeling but they said that was OK so I knew where to push,there was no pain.
After the jungle juice started kicking in once it was turned up, I then progressed to 2 cm dilated by 2 o’clock. By 4 o’clock I was 7 cm dilated it jumped up pretty quickly and they were very happy. They noticed my contractions were a little irregular and I was not having a rest between contractions which meant my stomach was pretty much hard the whole time. They told me that I better not eat anything just in case but I needed another birth option. From then on my epidural kept wearing off little by little. I started making little noises just trying to breathe through the contractions that I could feel. Every time I looked over at Wil he looked so bored I can’t even be mad because I know how boring it would be sitting there waiting especially when I wasn’t weathering in pain! He was so good he would get me some water, come over and give me a rub gently and to hold my hand.
The doctors kept coming in every now and then they weren’t happy with my contractions still. When It got to 11 pm, I was told we were ready to push! I quite enjoyed pushing, I feel like I was counteracting the pain of the contraction by pushing back at it. It did feel like my bowel would fall out my bum because I could feel pressure and couldn’t tell how hard my pushes were😂. After 2 hours of pushing and hand squeezing, I was told to stop as we had reached the maximum pushing time. My stomach was still hard and not relaxing. The doctors came in and said “alright guys, we need to look at other options. We would like to take you downstairs (theatre) to try and get the baby out with forceps and if that doesn’t work, we need to perform an emergency c section”. All I thought at this moment was, well you obviously thought this may have been an option if you never let me eat so couldn’t you have done this before I had to push!?! A c section wasn’t ideal, simply because of the recovery time but as long as we were both safe, then let’s get him out now.
Straight away I was read all this information about a c section and made to sign the waiver. I started to get a bit nervous and I knew Will wanted this operation to be the last resort, but unfortunately this was the only way to get him out safely.
We entered the theatre at 1:52 am on the 5th of April. (This is a sign, see this post!!) I was pumped with 5 times as much epidural medicine as you have in a delivery room and I was nice and numb. I was shaking like I was having small seizures, probably adrenaline, nerves and drugs! I was drugged up more for that. Will stood by my side watching the whole operation. I can’t believe he didn’t pass out!
They quickly discovered that the forceps were not going to work and his head was already 1/4 of the way into my pelvis. This is when everyone started buzzing around to start the emergency c section. I was off in my own little world – I remember thinking about random stuff the whole time, like when you try to get to sleep and the most random thoughts come into your mind. They began the c section and quickly learnt that his head was stuck in my pelvis. The minute they realized that they lost control, they told Will to sit down (he watched the whole thing) and they got the midwives to push the baby in various directions to try and maneuver him out. It didn’t work so they found a foot and tried to pull him out by his feet. It felt like there were people on top of me, it wasn’t painful but the pressure was so intense.
Before the surgery, I told Will to just listen for the baby crying. When Hunter came out he was not crying. Because I was out of it I didn’t really notice but I thought “maybe he’s dead” in a really matter of fact way. I felt like I was in a dream and that nothing was really real. Will turned to me and said “oh wait the babies out, I see his hand and foot”, he didn’t hear a cry either.I listen to the doctors say to Will “do you want to go with the baby or do you want to stay with Rikki.” I told him to go with Hunter. They resuscitated him and put in a breathing tube and took him away.
As I write this I realize I’ve never asked Will💙 what he was doing with Hunter while I was still in surgery. They stitched me up and I went to recovery and I was so out of it I was talking about sausage dogs for no reason and the nurses were laughing at me. They were trying to explain what it happened in the surgery but I just didn’t understand I’m glad I didn’t at the time.
All I remember is the same morning, them telling me they need to take him to Monash Clayton to the NICU. So as I hadn’t even seen him since he was born at 2:33am, at 6:00am, they organized to bring him past in his portable hospital crib where he was strapped in with a seat belt and so many wires. I got to touch him on the leg for 1 minute before they took him away.
I’m not sure how long I was at Casey Hospital before they moved me to Clayton. I knew they originally didn’t have a bed for me. It felt like weeks, even today I don’t know what day it it’s. (By the way, maternity ward at Clayton is called 52 North, no joke.)
The minute I got to Clayton, I got to see him a bit more. It was hard because I couldn’t walk there and I was so sore I felt guilty when I had to go back to the room to rest. He was in good hands but I just wanted him with me.
Our journey is still going. Hunter has been in the NICU and then in special care since his birthday and a week ago tomorrow was the day that I was induced. He had blood in his stomach so that needed to be monitored and he is hopefully being transferred back to Casey Hospital tomorrow so we can be closer to him.
Please cross your fingers he can come home soon.
Birthing a child is an amazing experience. I am just greatful that during the surgery I didn’t know what was going on with Hunter. To any parents to be reading this, I was told this was a rare birth experience so please do not be put off by your birth. The worst part about it has been being away from Hunter.
Thanks to everyone for your messages, I probably haven’t replied to you all but this is such a hard time for us and I don’t really know how to cope so it’s easier to just keep to myself.
Love you all and can’t wait for you to meet him. He’s beautiful.